never coming back
by synesthesiae
Summary: it is so unexpected when they cross paths again, and she has so many questions.


**a/n: I do not own Code Geass.**

* * *

Sometimes being left behind wasn't always the worst thing.

But it could also be _so_ painful.

Kallen learned that the hard way. Months after the Zero Requiem, that's all everyone talked about. How Lelouch vi Britannia the dictator deserved his end, and how Zero was their new hero and that they're approaching a new era in which peace wasn't unattainable.

Kallen knew the truth. She couldn't confide in anyone, not even her closest former Black Knight members. She felt so alone.

Her life was spared during multiple bloodsheds, as opposed to those other unfortunate souls. So being left behind on this earth wasn't so bad. But then again, it's so lonely.

She saw Nunnally on the national TV sometimes and smiled as the young princess worked very hard to change the world. Next to her always stood the stoic Zero. No one knew who he was. He never spoke. He merely quietly stood there, being the most trustworthy bodyguard and advisor to the princess.

But Kallen knew the truth. She knew exactly who was behind the mask.

She didn't hate him for what he did. They had to do it, she knew. For some reasons she just knew but still sometimes she wished they had included her in their plan. She had been with them since the beginning. Suzaku, Lelouch, C.C. and her. She felt lonely being left out like that.

C.C. was nowhere to be found. Right after the Zero Requiem, Kallen ran around to find the witch to no avail. The room C.C. had shared with Lelouch was empty, not even a trace of her was present. No note, no anything. Just an empty, bare, cold room. Kallen remembered breaking down and crying. Other Black Knight members had asked why but she couldn't tell them. She just kept crying and crying…

Under the full moon tonight, she stood under it staring at the grave of Suzaku Kururugi. It had been almost seven years now. The talk about the villainous Lelouch had died down; his name still went into history as the dictator who plummeted the world into fear, terror and bloodshed, and the name Lelouch vi Britannia would be associated with unfathomable hatred until the end of time.

She still remembered what he looked like. She kept a picture that they had taken together at a party at the Academy. She forgot what occasion it was but they were all smiling in there. Even Lelouch and Suzaku. That time was the beginning of the rebellion, but they were all enjoying themselves. Shirley was there; happy and bright as always.

Kallen framed said picture and put it on her nightstand, forever cherishing it until the moment she took her last breath.

"Suzaku…" she whispered his name. "Are you suffering right now? I wonder what you're doing at this moment. Do you even go out?"

She's sure Nunnally knew who Zero was. She had to.

Kallen got down on knee and touched the markings. There's no body under the cold, hard ground. She let her slender fingers trace his name. "I'm sorry…" she said softly.

There was no tomb for Lelouch. They carried his body away right after. She didn't even have a chance to properly say goodbye. She didn't know what they did with it. Did they cremate it? Did they bury it somewhere? If so, where? Maybe back in Britannia? Around the palace where he used to live?

That sounded right, she decided. But still, she wanted to see it. Just once.

There were soft footsteps falling behind her. She spun around and her eyes widened.

Time seemed to stop.

In front of her stood the green-haired witch. She looked exactly the same as Kallen remembered. Still those emotionless golden eyes, long lime-green hair, tall and slender. She was carrying a small bag with her and was dressed in simple, casual clothes.

"C.C…" Kallen didn't think she made any sounds. The witch's name was more like a whisper in the wind.

"Kallen," the witch said. Her voice was clear and loud. They weren't very far from each other.

The red-haired girl got up from her position and faced C.C. "What are you doing back here? It's been so long..."

"Seven years." C.C. nodded. She walked over to where Kallen stood and stared at the grave's markings. "Time really flies when you don't pay attention to it," said C.C.

It's so strange seeing her. Unaged, unchanged. She knew C.C. wasn't human and she never expected to see her ever again in her lifetime, and yet here she was, facing the cold-hearted witch.

"I'm having mixed emotions right now," Kallen confessed.

"Oh? Meaning you missed me or hated my guts?" C.C. asked, smirking.

That same personality never changed.

"Both." Kallen was surprised at her honesty. They were never friends. They were actually rivals on some levels. In terms of what, you ask? Lelouch's affections.

Kallen believed she loved him at some point. She loved what he stood for at the beginning. She loved his alter-ego Zero. Then, she found out who he was. She hated him for deceiving her. It took her a long time to trust him again so she thought she never truly loved him. Only the image that he represented.

When he turned evil, she loathed him and cursed his name, dreaming of his death every night. Then at the moment she found out the truth, she realized she probably had loved him all along.

C.C. was trying to earn his affections as well, in her own C.C. way. Kallen had reason to believe he might have chosen C.C. over her at the end, since the witch did stand with him from the very beginning to the very end. He included her in his plans, did he not? He didn't include Kallen. That thought alone shattered the red-haired girl's heart over and over again.

C.C. was squatting down. Like Kallen had done before, she was touching Suzaku's name. Her face was completely unreadable.

"What are you thinking?" Kallen asked.

"Nothing in particular," answered the witch.

Secretive as always.

"So?" Kallen pressed. "You never answered my question. What are you doing back here?"

C.C. looked up at the former pilot. "This is where everything began and ended. This is the only place that makes me feel human, so occasionally I come back here to remind myself of that."

The wind was stronger than Kallen had thought.

"Do you… Did you love him?" She wanted to know.

C.C. didn't answer. Kallen didn't think she would anyway but she had to try.

"But you did," the witch suddenly said, looking at Kallen.

No need to deny it now. "Ah, I did." She nodded, gazing at the cold, lonely grave.

What Kallen truly wanted to ask was did he love C.C.? Did he ever confess to her? She killed herself over and over thinking of possible scenarios until she thought she'd go mad. Did it matter now who he loved? He's gone. Forever…

"C.C… Can I ask you something?"

No response from the witch but Kallen went on anyway.

She took in a deep breath. "Is he really dead?"

The wind definitely got stronger and colder within the last few minutes.

"You saw what happened," C.C. replied. Her eyes glued to the markings, her face emotionless. "You saw Zero pierce him with the sword. Is that not enough proof?"

"But they carried his body away right afterward!" Kallen said. "What did they do with it? Did they cremate or bury it? If so, where?"

C.C. turned to look at her. Her face was forever stoic. "Why are you so curious about this?"

 _Because I… I…_

"I just want to see him again," Kallen said softly. She felt a wave of tears coming. Her slender body trembled slightly. Her vision started to blur. "I just want to… to say a proper goodbye… or a thank-you. I hated him. I didn't know his true plan. I wished him dead so many times… I just want a chance to apologize!"

And just like that, the headstrong former pilot broke down. Tears flowed down her rosy cheeks and she made no attempts to wipe them.

She was crying hard now. Her whole body trembled. She wrapped her arms around herself, keeping it from shaking.

A silent eternity seemed to stretch out before Kallen felt a hand placed on her shoulder. She looked up and found C.C. looking deep into her eyes.

"He didn't do it for the glory or for gratitude. He did it because he believed. The fact that you know what happened, that you remember him and think of him kindly is good enough. Wherever he is, I am sure he is beyond grateful."

That just made Kallen cry harder.

The witch gave her a quick hug before pulling away and saying, "I have to go. Maybe our paths will cross again one day. Look forward to it, Kallen."

The red-haired girl finally wiped her tears and flashed a small smile. "Ah, see you soon, C.C. Take care."

A soft smile danced on C.C.'s rosy lips. "You too."

Until the moment that Kallen took her last breath, she never saw the witch again.


End file.
